Season 1, Episode 4

Dana Caforio / Sean 

Dana’s Dedication to Making Meaning from Suicide and in her Surviving Sibling Loss

    • In episode 4, Dana shares her sibling loss story of losing her brother to suicide and the impact it had on her and her family. She discusses the feelings of isolation and loneliness that she experienced in the aftermath of her loss and how she has dedicated her life to making meaning from her brother’s death.
    • She shares her experiences with therapy, sound healing, and other modalities that have helped her on her healing journey.
    • Dana emphasizes the importance of not having to figure out how to grieve alone and the need for more support for people who have lost siblings.

Additional key points:

      • Dana acknowledges the importance of sharing experiences and supporting each other in the sibling grief.
      • Dana highlights how she finds therapeutic value in social media groups like The Broken Pack™ and sharing inspirational quotes.

Content Warning: Information presented in this episode may be upsetting to some people. It contains talk of suicide, guns, and police/SWAT teams. 

  • If you are in the US and need support for yourself or someone else with suicidal thoughts or other topics discussed in this episode, please call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or Text your 5-digit ZIP Code to 435748 (HELP4U) or call a warmline. For more immediate crisis call 911, 988, or go to the nearest emergency room.
  • In the USA an updated directory of warmlines by state can be found at https://warmline.org/warmdir.html
  • A warmline directory for trained peer supports in over 20 countries can be found at https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines (some of these may be hotlines)
podcast cover showing Kyra and her brother
Transcript

Dr. Dean: 

Hello and welcome to The Broken Pack™, a podcast focused on giving adult survivors of sibling loss, a platform to share their stories and to be heard. Something that many sibling loss survivors state that they never have had. Sibling Loss is Misunderstood™. The Broken Pack™ exists to change that and to support survivors. I’m your host, Dr. Angela Dean. Content warning information presented in today’s episode may be triggering to some people. It contains talk of suicide, guns, and police and SWAT teams. Resources are located in the show Don’ts. In today’s episode, I spoke with Dana. She speaks of the story of her extremely close relationship with her brother sean, losing him to suicide, the impact on the loss on her and on the family dynamics, as well as how she has dedicated her life to making meaning from her loss. I hope that you enjoy the episode. All right. today we’re joined by Dana. and before we dive into your story, I was wondering what you wanted to tell us about yourself.

Dana: 

I live in Arizona. from Pennsylvania and I do work in the medical field and as you had just mentioned, nothing in the medical field. If you’re in the medical field prepares you for what you go through. So it’s a whole other side of things. I have three kids. I’m married. They’re like the most exciting things about me.

Dr. Dean: 

Awesome. Yeah, that’s for sure. being a professional does not prepare us in any way for losing our sibling. Thank you for that. What do you want us to know about your brother before we dive into the story of loss?

Dana: 

He was 18 months older than me and very close when we were younger. And not as close. In high school, I was the annoying little sister, tagging along and being around all of his friends. He didn’t really enjoy that. And then when I moved to Arizona, we became even closer, the closest that we were, and we just got closer and closer every year. So he was, definitely best friend. loved by everyone. He was very, had a smile on his face. He was like the life of the party. Always up for conversation, always up for having fun, to hunt and fish and cook and, he was just an overall, everyone would say an amazing guy. The biggest heart of anyone I know. And he was also a uncle.

Dr. Dean: 

Fantastic, sounds like a, interesting person for sure. What was your relationship like with him?

Dana: 

Like I said, he was my best friend. The one I went to for anything, any kind of advice. He, would the one who would tell me how it was, even if I didn’t wanna hear it, because some other people might. We tend to have strong personalities in my family. So, if I ask other people for advice, they might not tell me what I needed to hear more, what I wanted to hear, but he was like, whatever I didn’t want to hear is what he would tell me. But it was always out of love. And he, I would say the majority of the time was right with whatever advice or things he needed to tell me. And he was just, he was my go-to for. When good things happen, when bad things happen, everything in between. When I had good news, he’d be the, probably the first person after my husband and I would call. Went through through a lot in our childhood and our adulthood that just connected us and we always had each other, we always had each other backs. That’s just how we looked at it. So we were, extremely close.

Dr. Dean: 

Now I’m wondering what you would like to share about the story of losing him and what that was like for you.

Dana: 

He actually died by suicide, October 1st, 2020, Having someone be your best friend. And then that happening is, whole other level of rejection is, I guess the best word I could use. And he had been struggling for several months, really for the last year and a half of his life, but the last several months even though I knew that and I had talked to him about things and talked him through things so many times when he was, having emotional thoughts or, I don’t even know what else you would call it, but I stay on the phone with him for hours and there was a time that he had . Threatened a few months prior and I was actually on the phone with him then on FaceTime for eight hours that day. And every time he always sounded fine and said he would get better. And he was always against medication against seeing therapists against all of that. And he never that we knew of had any issues like this at all. No mental health issues. He and his wife had separated and that’s what started everything, I think. met a new woman and then that’s when everything just went downhill I had got him to start seeing a therapist. he had started started taking antidepressants, at least he told me he had. But then after the fact, I think he had stopped them. He said all the right things to us that we thought he was okay. He I told my dad and I that, had said that he was going to do that, that he didn’t, he would never actually do that. It’s like, I promise I would never do that. It’s, it was just the day and how I felt. So we were pretty confident that would never happen. And that morning, the night before was his birthday. He turned 39 and he was drinking that night and he just was going through a lot of issues with his girlfriend, whatever you wanna call her, That kind of spiraled out of control. They weren’t doing well. and She didn’t want anything to do with him that day. They were supposed to spend the day together and she didn’t want anything to do with him, didn’t want to be around him, didn’t get him a birthday card. And he, is is very family oriented and he doesn’t really even care about birthdays, but it was it was just the fact that it was his day and she’s supposed to love him and didn’t even get him a card and didn’t wanna be around him, and so they got into a big fight and then throughout their entire relationship. It was like whenever they were fighting, they were both texting me or calling me for input. And I was always like the counselor to try to help them. And, that night I talked to him for a while and he seemed to be fine and that everything was okay. at it wasn’t, and he was saying that like he couldn’t do this anymore. And after we talked, he had said that he was okay. He was gonna go home and go to sleep. But I guess he didn’t, he went to her house, and parked in her driveway for the entire night. And then that morning I had spoken to her the night before and I said, if anything happens, just call me immediately so I can talk to him, because I can always talk him down. And that morning she didn’t call me, she called her stepdad and then she called the police. And that’s when, that was the beginning of the end for him. He was starting to get a little, violent and aggressive with some of the things he was saying to her. And I knew if, if that, if she called the police it was going to be a bad situation, just how he was. And she did, and he texted me a few times telling me he was on his way over there, even though he was already there. I guess he was there until like eight in the the morning, went back home, got all of her stuff, put it in the car, and then went back. And of course hindsight’s 2020 right? Now, I’m like, I should have Known him going back over there was a bad idea. I should have told my dad, ’cause every time one of these events happened, with them fighting, I would call my dad and my dad would go talk to him and everything would be fine. And he said he was going over there and I thought nothing of it. I thought she had gone to work. I didn’t she hadn. He sent me a couple messages on his way over there and kept telling me she needed to come out and get her stuff. and I didn’t answer any of the messages because I was honestly kind of over it at that point. The two of them fighting and being the mediator. And, two hours later she started texting me, telling me that, the police were there with their guns drawn and that the car was surrounded and that he wouldn’t get out, get him to get out so that everything would be okay and. Here. He was already gone and I didn’t know she knew, but, her involvement as a whole other story and conversation. He, he was already gone and I was trying to call him and text him talk him into, Getting out of the car and just talking to the police and he was already gone. And when she told me that I had called my dad and told him the situation and he went right over and he was like, it’s not good. And, he had used a gun and it was right as the police officer was approaching his car. So the police officer thought he was potentially aiming and firing at him. So they had no way to know what. happened. It’s very small town in Pennsylvania. So, they had this whole protocol they had to do and have SWAT back up and until they arrived and everything happened, it was another two and a half hours of waiting. And then they, eventually came down and told my dad that he was gone. And then my dad called me,

Dr. Dean: 

I’m really sorry. I forgot to ask you what his name was, before Sean. Do you remember what it was like in those next few days

Dana: 

Oh, yes,

Dr. Dean: 

even

Dana: 

call from my dad actually replays in my head all the time. and it was like when he first called, the first thing he said was, I don’t know what to tell you. And I was like, what do you mean? And then he said, Sean’s dead. He killed himself. And I initially was just like, what? I didn’t believe him. I didn’t want to believe him, but at the same time, I knew it was real. Because everything he had been going through and I just collapsed on the floor. I don’t remember much of the next hour or two, but my husband came and got the phone and talked to my dad and then he had made some phone calls. because while we were waiting for things with my brother, I had called my mom who lived in North Carolina at the time, and my best friend and my sister-in-law even though they weren’t together, she had found out again, small town. And so I was talking to all of them and keeping them updated on what was going on. And then once that happened, called my best friend and I don’t remember any of that, but she said, I was screaming in the background, screaming, no over and over again and, Apparently I did that for over an hour. I don’t remember. so my husband called a bunch of my friends here to come over to sit with me. And, and first thing I did after I found out I called my mom. My husband was gonna call her,. And I said, no, it has to come from me. and then we called, everyone else in the family, in the immediate family that didn’t already know because my grandmother was there with my dad when the police came and told him she had gone over there. Then it became a next, because I’m here and he’s there. And and at the time I just had my two kids, so we had to make plans, go back and I wanted to go back that day, but the logistics just didn’t work out with the kids and all. So so yeah um we went the day after there was a lot, there was so much drama with all of it. A big part of it was, a lot of didn’t know that he was struggling and so it came as a shock and they didn’t know what to do with the information. And then I went to stay at his house because he was living there alone. He and his wife were not divorced yet. They were just separated, but for whatever reason, he hadn’t signed the divorce papers yet, So she was still on the house. My mom’s family went down there and were like demanding to be let in. This was all like, while, I was was in the air on the airplane, because I had said, no one goes in his house, no one does anything until I get there. Because that’s what he would’ve wanted. And my dad was the only one with the key anyway. My dad was there, at his house right after just to see if there was any clues or like a suicide note or anything, and there was nothing. And my mom’s side of the family, someone had drove by and saw that he was there and said he was trying to, was taking stuff out of the house and became this whole big thing. And then her family came down and called the cops on him. And called my sister-in-law and advising her to change the locks on the door. I landed, and all these voicemails came in. I called and talked to my sister-in-law and I was like, you’re not touching the locks. You’re not doing anything until I get there. I, feel bad, of course now, after the fact was drug into the middle of it and not even, she didn’t even want to be. I told her I’m staying there with my husband and kids. And she was like, that’s fine. And I was like, no, I’m not. I’m not asking. That’s where we’re staying. And then it’s a two hour drive from the airport to get there. a five hour flight and then a two hour drive. So finally got there and my sister-in-law and my dad met me there. The second hardest part was walking in this house. the first thing I saw that I remember is his, Coleman lunch cooler was on the floor in the kitchen open, still had food in it, like he had got home from work and left it there. And you could tell he wasn’t in a right state of mind with how everything was in his house. I ended up staying there for three weeks, almost four. my husband helped me arrange with the coroner, where to take his body. I knew he wanted be cremated, to make sure to arrange everything because I didn’t want my parents to have to do it or my sister-in-law. they still came with me every time we went to the funeral home and everything. But, I make most of the decision and do what needed to be done my mom and dad and my sister-in-law, and I did get to view him, didn’t make it a public viewing because of the manner of death. then we had him cremated and I went with him, with his body to the crematorium and watched him cremated because my Dad, he felt someone needed to be there. And so I volunteered It was about a week after he died, we had a service for him just with the urn and pictures and flowers and just with immediate family because we were still in Covid. right after that service, we had a party for him. absolutely what he also would’ve wanted. A lot of people. came And we had food and drinks and music and all of his pictures there, and we all just laughed and cried. And I stayed as long as I could. We had like a yard sale and first what we did is we gave a lot of his stuff away to like his best friends, to whoever wanted anything. We tried to be really picky about who got certain things like. Picky in the sense of his guitar amp went to this 16 year old girl who was really sweet, who was learning how to play. She wanted to be in a band and people like that. And so, I went back home and then I came back out for another week in November to help, put all of the stuff that my sister-in-law was keeping into storage and get the house cleaned out. And all before we went back, we, my husband and I, and my sister-in-law and her brother and his girlfriend, we like painted the house. My husband drywalled to the laundry room to try to get everything better for it to sell, and then it ended up working out perfectly. Someone we know is the one who bought it. So, we didn’t have to really go through anything and it closed before the end of the year. that was, like I said, my sister-in-law couldn’t. pay. and then it became another point of contention with a lot of, especially my mom, and she felt like his life was erased in two months and everything was gone. And, that kind of just wrapped up pretty quickly and then I came back here. So it was like definitely different. Being there versus here it was a lot easier to be out of sight, out of mind. Oh, I just haven’t talked to him for a week. And then, um, I found out I was pregnant as soon as I came back. Then it was I can’t do this right now, because the previous April I had a miscarriage, so I’m like, I need to not stress myself and make sure the baby’s okay. went through the pregnancy and then after the pregnancy, A little bit after that was when it finally, I started accepting some parts of it, but I was in, denial for a long time because want to feel, I didn’t want to feel the pain, about that phone call and answering it was the most painful moment in my life and who wants to go back to that? So I’m now still, processing and it’s two years and a month.

Dr. Dean: 

And likely, unfortunately, we’ll probably always be processing.

Dana: 

Oh, absolutely. And people say All those stupid things, like time heals all wounds and everything happens for a reason. And he would want you to be happy. And

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah.

Dana: 

This is never a wound that will be healed ever. And you don’t get better. You just learn how to deal with it so that you can cope each day. And that part gets easier, but the pain doesn’t ever get better. Like I honestly feel, if anything, each year he’s gone, it’s gotten worse,

Dr. Dean: 

Because the one person that you wanna be able to talk to, It sounds like between the pregnancy and the drama, it was really hard to find space to start to heal. Do you feel like other people supported you through that?

Dana: 

No, obviously the most support I got was from my husband. he put up with a lot with me, for me and my best friend was also extremely supportive. My family was not, which, were grieving too. That’s, I expect that. But there was a lot of, blame placed, people than I knew. Had placed blame on me because I knew he was suffering and then I knew he had previously voiced wanting to die and I didn’t tell anyone, so it was my fault. Two times he had voiced previously, once in May, once in July, and then in passed in October. And the one in May, my mom knew, she was called first because the girl didn’t have my number. and my dad knew. And then when the second thing happened in July, I actually did, I called my cousin, who like a brother to me as well. to let him and his wife know, because they’re on the East coast, to just be like, you guys are the, basically the only people in the family I can trust, that doesn’t like cause drama and tell everyone everything. So I just want you to know this is what happened. I’m trying to get him help. so several people knew actually. And, my grandfather, my mom’s dad for whatever reason, Says it’s my fault and I haven’t talked to him since.

Dr. Dean: 

Dad, you.

Dana: 

No, my mom’s dad, my grandfather, I haven’t talked to him since. He, said that some things can’t be forgiven, and it’s essentially my fault. A whole other piece of drama I didn’t even, I wasn’t even able to get into of him showing up at my brother’s house and grabbing a hold of me and him and my dad having a scuffle and like them going through a glass door and there was a lot of drama surrounding all of it.

Dr. Dean: 

I am really sorry. That’s so hard.

Dana: 

It did not make the grieving process any easier. That’s for sure.

Dr. Dean: 

No, those things do not For sure. do you that you’re supported now?

Dana: 

So I made some kind of post about it on Instagram, also trying to build something on Instagram to help people, not just with, basically that have been through trauma, and specifically suicide loss. And the sibling piece is huge because I completely agree that you’re honestly just overlooked. Like for some reason it’s almost as if it shouldn’t hurt us as much. I don’t even understand. but. this part I think is normal in grief anyway, is there was a lot of support and people reaching out in the beginning, like as soon as they found out. And then the next several weeks. And then there were people that would check on me that were family, but like cousins and like my cousin’s wife and close friends continued to check on me for a month or two or three after. And then it was just radio silence. And again, I get, everyone has to go back to their lives and they aren’t the ones that have experienced this intense loss. And it’s not that they don’t care, but again, they need to go back to their lives. And while you’re stuck there, like you don’t even know how to get to the next day. And so no, after that there was, nothing. And I do know a lot of people checked in on my mom because she, was suicidal for a while thereafter. too. And so the, focus was a lot on her, which I think it would’ve been anyway. but otherwise, no, didn’t really hear much, didn’t have much support from my husband and my best friend,

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah. I think sometimes the stigma with suicide adds to that isolation. I know that professionally and personally, People don’t wanna talk about it. That’s why the language around that is changing.

Dana: 

Right, and that’s why I

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah. Yeah.

Dana: 

I actually make people very uncomfortable by talking about it, and I don’t really give a shit . I talk about it all the time. I post about it all the time. And a hundred percent of the time, I will get so many likes on my kids and whatever I’m doing, and I post something about suicide and it’s like maybe three people like it. And no one wants to, no one wants to talk about it. no one wants to deal with it. No one wants anything to do with it. even talk about it at work a lot. And one of my coworkers, I was mentioning exactly this, and she was like, you do make me uncomfortable when you bring it up. And I said, good. And she didn’t mean, it in a bad way. We’re actually good friends, but I’m like people need to be made uncomfortable until they realize that this is just reality and there’s nothing you can do to change it, and it’s okay to not be okay.

Dr. Dean: 

Absolutely. I’ll share that. I wrote, when I was a doctoral intern. Towards the end of that training, I had lost a former patient who died by suicide. And I wrote this article and blog on it and it’s out there. It was aimed at helping professionals and they made me change a lot of the language in there from choice to like, yeah. They were worried about being sued for their, their blog. So People are very uncomfortable about it.

Dana: 

It doesn’t, it also adds a whole other layer to the grief because it’s not only was he my best friend and I know. I know he felt the same way, and I know he loved me as much as I loved him. So then there’s that part of then how could you do this? And that’s the part where it’s like back and forth, like warring with your head of being so mad, but also understanding and knowing that if he felt there was any other way out, he wouldn’t have done it. But he was also a male in his thirties. a very small town in the middle of nowhere that is run by basically Republicans and manly men. And You don’t talk about your feelings. You don’t get help. You just muscle through it. So I can’t imagine living 39 years of my life like that and not been able to talk How about how I felt and to have been suffering for so long because a lot of stuff came out afterwards about how he was apparently suffering for a long time and shut down the last year and a half of his life. And so it’s like, how did he put on that brave face for 39 years? He’s the strongest person I know and he actually held on for a long time. So it’s, it doesn’t make me, then I don’t get mad then I feel bad for getting mad. And then there’s the guilt and the, it’s complicated.

Dr. Dean: 

I think that’s all very common with suicide. Yeah. what would you wanna say to him about that, if you could?

Dana: 

Oh my gosh It’s funny because hindsight is 2020. Looking back on so many of our messages, there’s so many clues here and there that I was like, how did I read right over that? I think initially I would just wanna tell him that I’m sorry that I didn’t hear him like he needed to be heard and. It’s easy to say that now, but I would tell him how much he was loved that he didn’t see, which is heartbreaking that he really didn’t think he loved, The way people reacted afterwards, how much he was loved, how many people came and how many people talked about him. it was like, how could you, not see this. But again, it’s like he had blinders on, of course he didn’t see it, I would probably, also smack him and be like,

Dr. Dean: 

sister would do.

Dana: 

You know how much I love you, and wish he could’ve just held on a little bit longer. And the path that I’ve been on since then. and Everything I’ve learned and everything I know now, but again, I wouldn’t be on this path if he hadn’t died. So

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah,

Dana: 

I don’t know that the outcome would’ve been any different.

Dr. Dean: 

it’s good awareness. Did you ever see a mental health professional in your grief?

Dana: 

Oh yeah. No, I openly talk about seeing a therapist. I put, I make people uncomfortable with that too.

Dr. Dean: 

I make people uncomfortable’cause I am a therapist and then a Psychologist and then, Was it helpful for you in your grief process? Did you feel like they knew enough?

Dana: 

So I had suffered from depression and anxiety from teenage years and had therapy on and off from like 25 up through 30. And then stopped going, was doing okay. And right before Sean passed away, I was going, through, another, I mean after the miscarriage and everything, another like funk. And then I say this as lovingly as possible, dealing with his stuff too. after he passed away and then I got pregnant. I knew I needed to talk to somebody. But again, I was like, well, I don’t wanna address any of this right now. Let’s just keep it inside. After I had the baby, somehow thought I could do it on my own. And then it wasn’t until January of this year that I was like, okay, I can’t do this on my own anymore. Mmm. I went from one therapist to another until I found a better fit. And that was the thing too that was so discouraging is over the last, 15 years it’s like every time I find a good therapist, they leave the practice or they, no longer take your insurance or they go on maternity leave or there’s always been something that I’m like, I do not wanna tell my story all over again. It’s exhausting. But with this, it was, like, You don’t have another choice because you’re not getting better and you’re not going to get better. And it was right before he died that actually I had talked to one of my friends about trauma and, realizing somehow, I guess you can be intelligent and have a degree and still not be smart, about some things. She knew a lot about my past and was like, you need to. To work through your trauma and go see a trauma therapist. And I was like, I haven’t been through trauma. Whatcha talking about? like, this is like normal until I realized it’s so not normal., I mean, just a little blip you got about my family, you can understand. So, finally went to see this woman, that I had seen previously and was seeing her for a month. And then she said, I’m actually cutting down my client list. I need people that are gonna see me weekly to start doing. Trauma intensive therapy. So then I got discouraged and I was like, well, why didn’t you ask me if I wanted to do that? I would’ve done that? And then I was like, seriously, you’re like scheduling once a month? She gave me some referrals, I looked around, found one person, and when I met with her, it was a definite immediate click. She is trauma certified and she works with complex grief. And everything I needed so, she was perfect. And while seeing her, I also started doing other things. I started, meditating, doing yoga. I. getting into a lot of different things that my science colleagues would probably think I’m crazy, but like into like crystals and sound healing and all that stuff. And I truly felt that it was the beginning of this year that I had my own spiritual awakening and that combined with the therapy was what pulled me through. I as much as I love therapy, again, I talk about it all the time. I still go weekly and I’m very vocal about it. I think someone that is going through complex trauma, complex grief, any of those things needs more than just talk therapy. So I’m still doing all of those things, therapy once a week. I do my own sound healing now. I’m still meditating, doing breath work I actually took two certification classes in grief and trauma, and so that combined, I’m finally starting to heal, but it’s like. I don’t think anyone ever truly heals. It’s a lifelong process.

Dr. Dean: 

Absolutely. Which is also the struggle, especially with siblings because you were younger, so they’re there from the time you’re born until we assume old age

Dana: 

And

Dr. Dean: 

through everything.

Dana: 

Interesting you say that. because I had this conversation with my mom. her thing was, I understand he was your best friend, but I carried him in my body for nine months. And I was like, okay, I get that, like I’m not competing with you in grief here, and I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child. I don’t wanna know what it’s like. Since he died, it crosses my mind all the time. It could happen. don’t raise a child thinking someday. That’s how they’re going pass away. So I try not to go down that rabbit hole, but I’m like, but it doesn’t mean my grief is any way less than yours. And I said, while, you lived 21 years of your life. And then, yes, you carried him in your body for nine months. I was born and he was already in my life. And then he was in my life up until he wasn’t. So I spent my 37 years of life with him. Never was it away from him. it’s not really the same. And I expected to have him here to deal with you and my dad and talk to him about you guys. Like we always used to joke about things. And being the only sibling. He’s the only one that has the same childhood memories that I could talk to about, remember this, remember? that. And now there’s remembers those memories. No one knows what it’s like to live in that house with those parents and to still have those parents know the little nuances and things you can talk about. That was one of the things when I first started to heal, I was cursing him, yelling at him, like, how could you leave me to deal with them on my own? Why would you do that to me? And then also it’s like, and then when they pass away, like He’s supposed to be with me helping each other through it. And now

Dr. Dean: 

Mm-hmm.

Dana: 

it’s gonna be doing it alone again.

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah. Have you had your birthday where you’ve become as old as he was? yet?

Dana: 

Yes. and I tried, I didn’t even honestly think about it because I couldn’t, I can’t wrap my head around the fact he didn’t make it to 40. And so I’m 39 now, so I think it’s the next birthday that’s gonna be hardest, just hitting 40 and he is not here. And, he never reached 40.

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah, that was the harder birthday for me was when I hit the one that I’m now older than my older brother. Yeah, I’ll definitely be thinking of you. Thank you for sharing all of that about how you’ve been coping and what has and hasn’t worked. Anything else that we didn’t discuss today that you wanna talk about?

Dana: 

Sure. the main reason why I wanted to do this is because I don’t want anyone to have to figure it out alone, like

Dr. Dean: 

Mm.

Dana: 

probably you and I did and not know what to do and not know where to turn. I hope I said enough. especially if someone has been through suicide. I’m just hoping more things like this happen and more people come together and bond over it, especially siblings who have lost siblings. I have a friend at work who just lost her brother. He died of colon cancer and she took him in and cared for him. And after he passed away, I called her immediately and I was like, let’s go meet up. And we did. And it was just un uncanny for her. Because I knew exactly how she felt and I really knew exactly how she felt,

Dr. Dean: 

Mm-hmm.

Dana: 

And that, I think, just takes another sibling who has lost a sibling.

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah. my cousin had lost two siblings and, strangely cause we’re not close at all, he was the comfort for me those first few days in ways that nobody else could be. Mm-hmm.

Dana: 

Nobody else understands and you can’t go to your parents

Dr. Dean: 

Well, actually I did with my dad ’cause he lost a sibling. But for the most part, yeah, you cannot,

Dana: 

My dad I do have a lot of conversations. it’s actually brought us much, much closer. and we can talk about it openly. So that’s been nice. But my mom tries to come to me with her stuff and I’ve had to set up a lot of boundaries.

Dr. Dean: 

Good. Do you wanna say more about what you’re trying to do?

Dana: 

Ok, so I’ve actually, I created another Instagram page that I have. and my goal is, so I, I got sound healing certification. I wanna incorporate the sound healing, and then I took the trauma and the grief certifications and so I don’t really know what I’m going to do with it yet, but I would like to try to work with people and help them through healing, whether they’ve been through trauma or grief, or suicide loss, or P T S D.

Dr. Dean: 

Is there anything else you wanna say before I stop recording?

Dana: 

Just thank you for doing this.

Dr. Dean: 

Yeah. Thank you for joining me. Thank you so much for listening. Our theme song was written by Joe Mylwood and Brian Dean, and was performed by Joe Mylwood. If you would like more information on The Broken Pack™, go to our website, the broken pack.com. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter, Wild Grief™, to learn about opportunities and receive exclusive information and grieving tips for subscribers. Information on that, our social media and on our guests can be found in the show notes wherever you get your podcasts. Please follow, subscribe, and share. Thanks again.

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